At the end of that glorious eighties’ movie, E.T., the alien puts its knobbed finger on Gertie’s heart and instructs her: Beee good. I wondered at the time, and wonder still, what that meant. What did E.T. expect Gertie to do, or not do? What is the definition of “good”?

(The first of several asides: when Gertie teaches E.T. the phrase, she means Be quiet and Behave. As an ardent feminist and fan of making good trouble I don’t advocate for that kind of “good.”)

I can’t really say I’ve always wanted to be good. Growing up, I mostly wanted to be loved. Followed closely by not wanting to have another asthma attack that would land me in the hospital again. Next in line, in no particular order: more chocolate, more time for reading and for writing stories.

And fairies. I wanted to see fairies.

Unicorns, dragons, naiads, and dryads would do in a pinch, if no fairies could be found. Talking animals would have been a perfectly acceptable alternative.

But somewhere along the way I became conscious of how easily we (non-magical humans) hurt each other, and I wanted to do the opposite. I wanted to be good.

I’m still not entirely sure what it means to Be Good, and I’ve had no blinding insights, over the years, but I’ve come to believe there really is only one moral imperative, and that is Be Kind.

Another lengthy aside: Avoiding injury to others is a baby step in that direction (What About Bob reference intentional—see? Now we’ve moved on to movies in the nineties). But even that is difficult to pin down. Everything I do, every miniscule, seemingly-inconsequential decision I make has potentially harmful consequences. Really, it is mind-boggling the number of ways a person can fail in attempting to avoid injury to others.

The problem of unintended consequences really makes my brain hurt. My decision to buy inexpensive clothing and food for a friend who has a desperately difficult time making ends meet supports the earth-destroying commercial enterprises mass-producing cheap clothing and engaging in unsustainable agricultural practices (often while paying their workers less-than-living wages). Would a “good” person buy her friend less, focusing on sustainably grown and manufactured gifts?

And then there is the question of whether it is ever acceptable to intentionally cause injury to one person for the sake of preventing harm to others. (The old dilemma: even though murder is clearly wrong/harm/not good, if you could go back in time and kill Hitler, would that ultimately be “good”? And to anyone who believes that’s hyperbole, a trumped up example inapplicable to our modern world because that sort of evil is only in our past I say WAKE UP AND SMELL THE DEAD FLOWERS).

I don’t have the answers.

The Netflix show The Good Place (moving on to this century now) did a marvelous job of demonstrating how complicated the issues are, and how difficult it is to be a good person - with perfect comedic timing.

Which brings up what I consider the saving grace of the whole sorry mess (by which I mean humanity): if kindness is the goal, laughter makes it possible to keep trying, in spite of failure after failure after failure.

Because I am as certain as a person can be that we must keep trying.

I remain confused about the details - if only it was as simple as playing with kids and lambs (I could Be Good every day if that was the case).

I am convinced by the arc of human history (less of an arc and more of a roller coaster that ends in a loop that sends the thrill-seeking rider back to the beginning with no pause between rides) that kindness encompasses . . .

. . . not only Warren Buffett giving away $750 million in stock to charitable institutions . . .

. . . but also the neighbor who brought a multi-course dinner (with pie!) to my sister and niece when they had to miss Thanksgiving because of the flu.

(Another aside: as I was looking up information about the Warren Buffet donation, I came across a 2022 Forbes Article and a CNBC Article that sent me down an interesting rabbit hole regarding the generosity – and stinginess – of America’s wealthy.)

It’s not one or the other, not just grand gestures that help thousands or small moments of compassion to the person who lives next door. It’s the whole kit and caboodle, every minute of every day, wherever an opportunity presents itself.

Which brings me to this year’s New Year’s resolution.

I am nobody’s role model. Given my druthers, I would sit in front of my (less-than-earth-friendly) propane fireplace, reading novels and writing stories and eating chocolate. The chocolate will likely but not necessarily be fair trade, with milk from pasture-raised cows, but still.

The letters to friends struggling with heartache may or may not get written. The dinner I make may or may not contain meat (though any meat will at least be humanely-raised). I will get to the end of the month, with not much left in my personal spending account, and wrestle with myself over whether to buy the earrings I have been eyeing for a couple of months, or donate to an organization feeding the hungry. I will read about the children suffering in a war-torn nation and weep, and then I will go play music with friends, or wash the dishes (with only a smidge of resentment that I am the only person in the household who washes the dishes), or watch a television show about a tiny English village where murders happen with alarming frequency and are always solved by a delightfully quirky old priest. In other words, though I say I want to be a good person, I devote a shockingly small amount of time and energy to actually being good.

And so as 2022 winds down, I take a deep breath (a long, slow, cleansing breath, as our yoga instructor would say), and recommit myself to being, if not exactly good, at least a little better.

Wish me luck.

Postscript: If you’re interested, I wrote a post a couple of years ago about the importance of letting ourselves be silly, letting go of the hurts and sorrows for a little while. You can find it here: https://www.dragonpepper38.com/news/why-we-write

Images by alexskopje from Getty Images (“Good Life”); couleur from pixabay (ET); alisonduncan from Getty Images (fairies); Pavan Trikutam @ptrikutam (fireplace)

#readwritebreathe, #readabook #beinggood, #kindnessmatters #newyearsresolution